Marie's Corner
Who is Marie?
About Marie McKenzie
Once silenced by the aftermath of sexual assault, Marie McKenzie has devoted her life to
empowering women to find trust, love, and intimacy after sexual assault. Because of this, she
founded the International Sexual Assault Recovery Institute.
With over two and a half decades of experience as a registered nurse, including her role as a
sexual assault nurse examiner in the clinical and community settings, Marie blends her
professional expertise with the tools and techniques that facilitated her own healing journey. Her
mission is to reassure survivors that they are never alone and that the path to trusting and loving is possible!
Renowned for her award-winning and bestselling memoir, Things That Keep Me Up At Night,
Marie chronicles her personal odyssey from sexual assault at the age of eleven to her triumphant transformation. Her book serves as a beacon of hope, encouraging others to find their voices, share their stories, seek support, and embrace a life imbued with purpose.
Marie doesn't shy away from her calling, proudly declaring, "I guide women in rekindling trust,love, and intimacy within their lives."
When Marie is not working with women on their journey, She collaborates with various
organizations dedicated to helping those affected by diverse traumas. She enjoys the vibrant life
of Orlando, Florida, alongside her husband, George.
She's an Expert!
Marie has graciously agreed to share her knowledge and expertise with us through her own blog here! Please enjoy what she has submitted and keep checking back for new additions!
Marie's Corner
SINGLE LADIES…DOES IT FEEL LIKE FAMILY AND FRIENDS ARE ALWAYS ASKING WHEN
Let’s be real—this question comes up way too often, right? You’re at a meetup with friends or a family gathering, and suddenly the conversation shifts to your love life. While they might mean well, it can feel a bit overwhelming (or downright annoying) when the topic comes up repeatedly.
I totally get it! When I was divorced and living alone, I often hesitated to accept invitations because I dreaded the inevitable question. “Are they going to bring it up again?” I’d wonder.
Sound familiar? If so, you’re definitely not alone!
That is why I wanted to share some tips on how to handle friends and family who frequently want to know when you’re going to find a guy without losing your cool.
Redirect the Conversation
When someone brings up your relationship status, try steering the conversation in a different direction. Talk about something you’re excited about! For example, you could say, “I’ve been diving into this new project at work. Have you heard about…?” This way, you shift the focus away from your love life and into something that truly interests you.
Set Boundaries
It’s completely okay to set boundaries regarding your personal life. You can gently let your loved ones know that while you appreciate their concern, you’d rather not discuss your relationship status. A simple, “I’m focusing on my personal growth right now, and I’ll share when I feel ready,” can do wonders.
Share Your Perspective
If you’re comfortable, take a moment to share your thoughts on love and relationships. You might explain that you believe in taking your time to find the right partner instead of rushing into anything. This can help your friends and family understand where you’re coming from and hopefully ease their concerns.
Handling questions about your love life can be a challenge, but remember to prioritize your feelings and boundaries. By redirecting conversations, setting clear boundaries, and sharing your perspective, you can navigate these inquiries with confidence and enjoy connecting with friends and family without constantly being on edge that the conversation will dive into the guy you should be finding. Your journey to love is uniquely yours, and it’s perfectly okay to take the time you need to find the right guy for you.
If any of this resonated with you, I’d love to hear about it! Drop a comment and let me know what hit home for you.
I’m rooting for you!
P.S. I know the pressure from family and friends may feel overwhelming at times, but there are steps you can take to gracefully stop the questioning
I’m rooting for you!
Nurse Marie,
Intimacy & Relationship Coach
Marie's Corner
Self-Care in Relationships
The Importance of Self-Care in Relationships
Self-care is a fundamental aspect of maintaining healthy relationships, yet it is often
overlooked in the hustle and bustle of daily life. Prioritizing self-care not only enhances
individual well-being but also strengthens the bonds in relationships.
Maintaining Individuality
In a relationship, it is crucial to maintain a sense of individuality. Self-care allows partners to
nurture their own interests, passions, and personal growth. Engaging in activities that bring
joy and fulfillment can rejuvenate one's spirit, ultimately enriching the partnership. When
individuals pursue their hobbies and passions, they bring renewed energy and enthusiasm
into the relationship, fostering a more vibrant connection.
Enhancing Emotional Well-Being
Self-care significantly contributes to emotional well-being, which is vital for healthy
relationships. By managing stress, practicing self-compassion, and setting healthy
boundaries, individuals create an environment of emotional stability. This emotional health
enables partners to be more present, patient, and understanding, leading to deeper
connections. Activities such as journaling, meditation, or simply taking time for oneself can
help maintain this balance.
Improving Communication
Effective communication is a cornerstone of any successful relationship. Self-care fosters
self-awareness and emotional intelligence, allowing individuals to express their needs and
boundaries more clearly. When partners understand their own emotions and triggers, they
can communicate more openly and honestly, which enhances the overall quality of the
relationship. This open dialogue helps prevent misunderstandings and conflicts, making it
easier to navigate challenges together.
Preventing Burnout and Resentment
Neglecting self-care can lead to feelings of resentment and burnout. When individuals
prioritize their partner's needs over their own, they may become overwhelmed and
depleted. This imbalance can create tension and strain within the relationship. By practicing
self-care, partners can ensure that their own needs are met, which helps sustain a
harmonious partnership. Recognizing when to take a step back and recharge is essential
for long-term relationship health.
Setting a Positive Example
When one partner prioritizes self-care, it sets a positive example for the other. This practice
encourages mutual respect and understanding, fostering a culture of self-care within the
relationship. As both partners engage in self-care, they contribute to a healthier and more
supportive environment, which enhances the overall relationship dynamic.
Practical Strategies for Incorporating Self-Care
Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries to maintain a healthy balance between
personal needs and relationship demands. This helps reduce conflict and promotes open
communication.
Engage in Hobbies: Pursue individual interests and hobbies outside the relationship. This
not only nurtures personal growth but also keeps the relationship dynamic and interesting.
Schedule "Me Time." Regularly allocate time for self-care activities, whether it’s reading, exercising, or simply relaxing. Prioritizing this time reinforces the importance of self-care.
Maintain Social Connections: Cultivate friendships and social networks outside the
relationship. This independence is crucial for personal well-being and contributes to a
healthier partnership.
Practice Mindfulness: Engage in mindfulness practices such as meditation or yoga. These
activities can help manage stress and enhance emotional regulation, benefiting both
partners.
Seek Professional Support: If needed, consider therapy or counseling. Professional
guidance can provide valuable tools for managing stress and improving relationship
dynamics.
In conclusion, self-care is not a selfish act but a vital component of nurturing healthy
relationships. By prioritizing individual well-being, partners can enhance their emotional
resilience, improve communication, and foster a deeper connection. Embracing self-care
not only benefits the individual but also strengthens the partnership, creating a foundation
for lasting love and happiness.
Marie McKenzie
Intimacy & Relationship Coach
Marie's Corner
Boundaires!
Setting Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty?
If you've ever felt a pang of guilt when trying to set boundaries, you're not alone. Many women find it challenging to prioritize their needs without feeling selfish. But here's the truth: boundaries are essential for healthy relationships and self-care.
Strategies to Set Boundaries Guilt-Free:
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: Accept any guilt you feel without judgment. Remember, feeling guilty doesn't mean you're doing something wrong.
2. Be Direct and Clear: Communicate your boundaries without over-explaining or apologizing. This clarity helps reduce guilt and ensures your needs are understood.
3. Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and remind yourself that setting boundaries is a form of self-care, not selfishness.
4. Detach from Others' Reactions: You're not responsible for how others react to your boundaries. Focus on maintaining your emotional well-being.
5. Reframe Your Beliefs: See boundaries as a way to foster healthy relationships and personal growth, rather than as a source of conflict.
Your Turn: What's one boundary you need to set today? Let's support each other in this journey toward healthier relationships and self-love!Remember, you deserve to protect your peace and prioritize your needs. Let's embrace the power of boundaries together! #HealthyBoundaries #SelfCare #EmpoweredWomen--
Marie McKenzie
Intimacy & Relationship Coach,
321-758-1438 | Gift.marielmckenzie.com
Marie's Corner
LOOKING FOR FUN TIPS TO REKINDLE INTIMACY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP? 📷
Spark the flame of intimacy with these 5 fun activities! 
As an Intimacy & Relation coach, I've shared many tips and strategies with women to incorporate in their relationships.
Here are 5 magical intimacy boosters:
1. 
Tech-free dinner: Leave those phones at home or in the car and enjoy dinner dates together!
2. 
Couple's painting night: Get creative and laugh over your masterpieces!
3. 
Couples Yoga: Connect through breath and movement.
4. 
Role-play date night: Step into new characters and rediscover each other!
5. 
Love letter exchange: Express your feelings the old-fashioned way.
Ready to spice up your relationship? Which activity will you try first? Or, share some of your own.
Comment below and let's start a conversation about embracing intimacy in our lives! 
Nurse Marie,
Intimacy & Relationship Coach
Marie's Corner
🌸 To All Brave Women Survivors of Sexual Assault 🌸
Dear Sisters,
You are strong. You are resilient. You are not alone. As we navigate this journey together, it’s vital to prioritize self-care and healing. Here are some gentle reminders and tips to help you take care of yourself:
Acknowledge Your Strength: Every step you take towards healing is a testament to your strength. Recognize and celebrate your resilience.
Seek Support: Whether it’s talking to a trusted friend, joining a support group, or seeking professional help, sharing your feelings can be incredibly healing. You don’t have to go through this alone.
Practice Self-Care: Find activities that bring you peace and joy. It could be a quiet walk in nature, a good book, a warm bath, or practicing mindfulness and meditation.
Rest and Recharge: Your body and mind need rest to heal. Ensure you get enough sleep and take breaks when needed. Listen to your body’s needs.
Express Your Emotions: Journaling can be a powerful tool to process your thoughts and emotions. Let your feelings flow onto the pages without judgment.
Set Boundaries: It’s okay to say no and to protect your space and energy. Surround yourself with people who respect and uplift you.
Engage in Physical Activity: Gentle exercises like yoga or walking can help in reducing stress and improving your mood. Remember, it's about feeling good, not about pushing yourself too hard.
Mindfulness and Meditation: These practices can help you stay grounded and present, reducing anxiety and promoting inner peace.
Educate Yourself: Understanding trauma and its effects can be empowering. There are many resources available that can provide insight and strategies for healing.
Be Kind to Yourself: Healing is not linear. There will be ups and downs, and that’s okay. Be patient and compassionate with yourself on this journey.
You are worthy of love, peace, and happiness. Your past does not define you; your courage to heal does. Let’s lift each other up and walk this path together.
I’m rooting for you!
Nurse Marie,
Sexual Assault Recovery Coach
Marie's Corner
June is National PTSD Awareness Month: Shining the Light on Women Sexual Assault Survivors
June marks National PTSD Awareness Month, a time dedicated to increasing public understanding of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a condition that can affect anyone who has experienced a traumatic event. For many women who are survivors of sexual assault, PTSD is an all-too-common consequence, profoundly impacting their lives and well-being.
Let’s shed the light on the prevalence of PTSD among women sexual assault survivors, explore the unique challenges they face, and highlight the importance of awareness and support.
Understanding PTSD in the Context of Sexual Assault
PTSD is a mental health condition triggered by experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event.
Symptoms can include flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety, and uncontrollable thoughts about the event. For many women who have experienced sexual assault, these symptoms can be particularly intense and debilitating.
According to the National Center for PTSD, approximately 10% of women develop PTSD at some
point in their lives, compared to about 4% of men. Women are more likely to experience trauma due to sexual assault, which significantly contributes to the higher prevalence of PTSD among women.
The trauma from sexual assault can profoundly impact a woman's mental health, leading to long-term psychological distress if not properly addressed
Prevalence of PTSD Among Women Sexual Assault Survivors
Sexual violence is a pervasive issue, with far-reaching consequences. Statistics reveal a stark reality:
Prevalence of Sexual Assault: One in five women in the United States has been raped at some time in their life, and nearly one in two women has experienced other forms of sexual violence (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2018).
PTSD Incidence: The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) states that 94% of women who are raped experience symptoms of PTSD during the two weeks following the rape, and 30% still report these symptoms nine months later.
Long-term Impact: The risk of developing chronic PTSD is significantly higher among sexual
assault survivors compared to other trauma survivors. A study published in the Journal of Traumatic
Stress found that approximately 50% of women who have been sexually assaulted develop chronic
PTSD.
Unique Challenges Faced by Women Sexual Assault Survivors
The trauma of sexual assault can leave deep emotional scars. Women survivors often face unique
challenges that can complicate their recovery:
Stigma and Silence: Increased awareness helps to reduce the stigma associated with PTSD and
sexual assault, encouraging more women to seek help without feeling ashamed or isolated. Many
women fear not being believed or being blamed for the assault
Complex Trauma: Sexual assault often leads to complex trauma, involving multiple, prolonged, and repeated traumatic events. This can exacerbate PTSD symptoms and complicate treatment.
Chronic PTSD: For some women, the symptoms of PTSD can become chronic, lasting for years and significantly impairing their ability to function in daily life.
Trust and Relationships: The violation of personal boundaries and trust inherent in sexual assault can make it difficult for survivors to form and maintain healthy relationships.
The Importance of Awareness and Support
Raising awareness about PTSD and its impact on women sexual assault survivors is crucial for
fostering a supportive environment where survivors feel understood and validated. Here are some steps that can help:
Promoting Early Intervention: Understanding the symptoms and impact of PTSD can lead to earlier intervention and treatment, which can significantly improve outcomes for survivors.
Education: Public education campaigns can dispel myths about sexual assault and PTSD, reducing stigma and encouraging survivors to seek help.
Access to Services: Providing accessible, trauma-informed mental health services is essential. This includes coaching, therapy, support groups, and crisis intervention services.
Advocacy: Supporting policies that protect survivors' rights and promote funding for sexual assault response programs can make a significant difference.
Community Support: Building supportive communities where survivors feel safe and heard can
enhance their healing journey.
Summary
June's designation as National PTSD Awareness Month serves as a bitter reminder of the enduring struggles faced by women sexual assault survivors. By increasing awareness, fostering
understanding, and advocating for supportive resources, we can help survivors navigate their path to healing and reclaim their lives. Recognizing the profound impact of PTSD and taking collective action to support those affected is not only an act of compassion but also a crucial step toward a more empathetic and just society.
This is a critical time to recognize and support women who are survivors of sexual assault and are dealing with the effects of PTSD. Survivors of sexual assault deserve understanding, compassion, and comprehensive support to navigate their healing journeys.
Together we can end this madness!
Nurse Marie
Sexual Assault Recovery Coach
Resources for Survivors
1. National Center for PTSD. https://www.ptsd.va.gov/
2. International Sexual Assault Recovery Institute (ISARI): Provides confidential coaching
services - SARecoveryGift.com
3. National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC). https://www.nsvrc.org/
4. Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN). https://rainn.org/ The largest anti-sexual
violence organization in the U.S., offering confidential support through their hotline and
online chat services.
5. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) https://www.cdc.gov/
6. Journal of Traumatic Stress. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/journal/
7. National Sexual Assault Hotline: Provides 24/7 confidential support at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).
Marie's Corner
Empowering Survivors: Mental Health Awareness for Women Overcoming Sexual Abuse
May is Mental Health Awareness Month, a crucial period dedicated to shedding light on the importance of mental well-being and the various issues affecting mental health.
For women who have survived sexual abuse, this month holds particular significance. It is a time to acknowledge their resilience, to offer support, and to emphasize the critical need for comprehensive mental health care tailored to their unique experiences.
The Impact of Sexual Abuse on Mental Health
Sexual abuse leaves deep, enduring scars that transcend physical harm. Survivors often grapple with a range of mental health challenges, including post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, anxiety, and complex trauma. The emotional aftermath can lead to feelings of shame, guilt, and isolation, significantly affecting one’s ability to navigate everyday life.
The stigma surrounding sexual abuse and mental health can further compound these issues, making it difficult for survivors to seek help. Fear of not being believed or being blamed can create additional barriers to accessing the necessary support and treatment.
The Importance of Awareness and Education
Raising awareness about the mental health needs of sexual abuse survivors is essential. Education can dispel myths and misconceptions, reduce stigma, and foster a more supportive environment. Understanding that mental health struggles are a normal response to trauma can encourage survivors to seek help without feeling ashamed or judged.
Communities, organizations, and individuals can contribute to this awareness by:
1. Promoting Open Dialogue:Creating safe spaces where survivors feel comfortable sharing their stories without fear of judgment.
2. Providing Resources: Offering information about available mental health services, hotlines, support groups, and advocacy organizations dedicated to assisting survivors of sexual abuse.
3. Advocating for Policy Change:Supporting legislation that protects survivors’ rights, improves access to mental health care, and ensures justice for those affected by sexual violence.
Access to Mental Health Services
Access to mental health services is vital for survivors’ healing journeys. Therapy, including cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and trauma-focused therapy, or coaching can be particularly beneficial. These approaches help survivors process their experiences, develop coping mechanisms, and rebuild their sense of self-worth and control.
Support groups also play a crucial role, providing a sense of community and shared understanding. Connecting with others who have faced similar challenges can alleviate feelings of isolation and offer mutual encouragement.
Empowering Survivors
Empowerment is a key aspect of recovery for sexual abuse survivors. Empowerment involves regaining control over one’s life and decisions, fostering self-acceptance, and embracing one’s strengths. Here are some ways to support empowerment:
1. Encouraging Self-Care: Self-care activities, such as mindfulness, exercise, creative expression, and relaxation techniques, can help survivors manage stress and promote mental well-being.
2. Building Support Networks:Encouraging survivors to connect with trusted friends, family members, or support groups can provide emotional support and validation.
3. Education and Advocacy: Providing education about survivors’ rights and available resources can empower them to make informed decisions about their health and well-being.
Moving Forward
Mental Health Awareness Month is a poignant reminder of the ongoing need to support women who have survived sexual abuse. By raising awareness, promoting understanding, and advocating for access to mental health services, we can help survivors reclaim their lives and move forward with strength and resilience.
Empathy, education, and empowerment are our most powerful tools in this endeavor. Together, we can create a world where survivors feel heard, supported, and valued every day of the year.
Together we can end this madness!
Marie McKenzie
Registered Nurse, RN BSN, MBA
CEO & Founder, International Sexual Recovery Institute
Sexual Assault Recovery Coach
Certified Life Coach
Award-winning & #1 Bestselling Author & International Speaker
Marie's Corner
Why Sexual Assault Survivors Struggle with Trust
Why Sexual Assault Survivors Struggle with Trust
Sexual assault is a devastating experience that can shatter not only a woman’s sense of safety but also her ability to trust others.
Here's why:
Breach of Trust: Sexual assault is a profound betrayal of trust, often perpetrated by someone the survivor knows or should have been able to trust. This betrayal can make it incredibly difficult for survivors to trust anyone again, fearing that others may also betray them.
Trauma Response: Survivors of sexual assault may experience a range of trauma responses, including hypervigilance and avoidance. These responses can lead to difficulties in forming new relationships or maintaining existing ones, as the survivor may constantly be on guard or withdraw to protect themselves from further harm.
Fear of Vulnerability: Trust inherently involves vulnerability, and for many survivors, vulnerability feels unsafe after experiencing such a traumatic event. Opening up to others and allowing oneself to be vulnerable again can feel terrifying and overwhelming.
Self-Blame and Shame: Society often places blame and shame on survivors of sexual assault, making them feel as though they are somehow responsible for what happened to them. This internalized self-blame can lead to feelings of unworthiness and a belief that they are not deserving of trust or love.
Betrayal Trauma: The trauma of sexual assault can create a deep-seated fear of betrayal, not only by others but also by oneself. Survivors may question their own judgment and ability to accurately assess the intentions of others, leading to a reluctance to trust even their own instincts.
Lack of Support: Many survivors of sexual assault face stigma, disbelief, and lack of support from friends, family, and society at large. This lack of support can further erode trust in others and reinforce feelings of isolation and alienation.
Understanding the complex reasons why sexual assault survivors struggle with trust is essential for creating a supportive and empathetic environment where survivors can heal and rebuild their sense of safety and connection with others. It requires patience, compassion, and a commitment to validating survivors' experiences and supporting them on their journey toward healing.
I’m rooting for you!
Marie McKenzie
Registered Nurse, RN BSN, MBA
CEO & Founder, International Sexual Recovery Institute
Sexual Assault Recovery Coach
Certified Life Coach
Award-winning & #1 Bestselling Author
International Speaker
Marie's Corner
Navigating Love After Sexual Assault: Insights and Tips.
***Finding love after experiencing sexual assault is a journey marked by courage, resilience,
and healing. While it may seem like a daunting task, like me, many survivors have
navigated this path successfully, finding love, support, and fulfillment in their relationships.
Here are some invaluable tips:
*Prioritize Self-Healing: Before diving into a new relationship, it’s important to prioritize
your own healing journey. This might involve coaching, therapy, support groups, self-care
practices, or any other methods that promote emotional well-being.
*Open Communication: Building trust in a new relationship can be challenging, but it’s
critical to involve open and honest communication. This includes expressing boundaries,
fears, and triggers with your partner in a safe and supportive environment.
*Take Things Slow: Rushing into a new relationship may feel overwhelming for survivors.
Taking things slow allows both partners to establish trust and mutual understanding
gradually, creating a solid foundation for a healthy relationship.
*Seek Support: Surrounding yourself with a supportive network of friends, family, or fellow
survivors can provide invaluable encouragement and validation. Knowing that you're not
alone in your journey can be empowering.
*Listen to Your Instincts: Trusting your instincts is crucial when entering a new relationship.
If something doesn't feel right or triggers memories of past trauma, it's essential to
acknowledge those feelings and communicate them with your partner.
*Educate Your Partner: It's okay to educate your partner about the effects of sexual
assault and how it may impact your relationship. Providing resources or engaging in open
conversations can foster understanding and empathy.
*Practice Self-Compassion: Survivors often struggle with feelings of shame or self-blame.
Practicing self-compassion and acknowledging that the assault was not your fault can be
empowering steps toward healing and self-love.
*Set Boundaries: Establishing clear boundaries in a relationship is essential for survivors.
Communicate your boundaries openly and respectfully, and trust that a supportive partner
will honor and respect them.
*Celebrate Progress: Celebrate small victories and milestones in your healing journey and
relationship. Recognize the strength it takes to move forward and the resilience you've
demonstrated along the way.
*Seek Professional Help if Needed: If navigating relationships feels overwhelming or
triggering, seeking the guidance of a coach, therapist or counselor trained in trauma-
informed care can provide additional support and guidance.
<<<<Above all, remember that finding love after sexual assault is possible, and you
deserve a relationship built on trust, respect, and mutual understanding. Your journey may
have its challenges, but with patience, self-compassion, and support, you can create a
fulfilling and loving connection with someone who cherishes and values you for who you
are.
I’m rooting for you!
Marie McKenzie
Registered Nurse, RN BSN, MBA
CEO & Founder, International Sexual Recovery Institute
Sexual Assault Recovery Coach
Certified Life Coach
Award-winning & #1 Bestselling Author
International Speaker
Marie's Corner
Overcoming the “Sadness” trigger from a past sexual assault
One of the challenges faced by many sexual assault survivors is extreme sadness.
Are you tired of feeling sad?
Recently I spoke with a survivor who complained about the constant sadness she was feeling and was wondering if she could every feel joy again, after being sexually assaulted more than ten years ago.
Ever find yourself thinking, "Are those sexual assault survivors who seem happy for real, or is it just a front?"
It's a pretty common question, right? Like, can someone really be genuinely happy after going through something as horrific as sexual assault?
Well, here's the scoop – happiness comes in all forms, and survivors are no exception. Some folks do find genuine joy after their experiences. It might be a mix of healing, resilience, and finding support that works for them.
But hey, it's also okay to be a bit skeptical. We live in a world where people often put on a happy face, especially on social media. It's like everyone's got their highlight reel.
The key is to remember that everyone's journey is unique. Happiness after sexual assault isn't a one-size-fits-all deal. Some survivors find joy, some are still working on it, and that's completely okay.
So, if you're ever wondering about those smiling survivors, just know that happiness, in whatever form it takes, is a personal journey. Everyone's story is different, and there's no right or wrong way to heal.
Overcoming sadness after sexual assault and finding happiness is possible with the right tools and person(s) to guide you.
Here are three (3) helpful tips to help you overcome the sadness:
●Acknowledge your emotions.
Your feelings are entirely yours – they belong to you and no one else. Just as there's no "right" way to navigate life as a sexual assault survivor, there's no "right" way to feel. I've witnessed a spectrum of reactions – from grief and rage to fear, sadness, numbness, hope, and the desire to turn away. And you know what? It's completely okay.
When emotions threaten to overwhelm, many folks find relief in putting their feelings on paper or sharing them with a trusted friend. Some discover strength not only in sharing their stories but also in unapologetically expressing their emotions and how the assault or abuse has impacted them. Even if you jot down a letter you never intend to send, putting words to your emotional reality can strengthen your voice and your sense of autonomy.
And hey, if you feel the need, reaching out for professional support is a solid option too. Your feelings are valid, and finding the right way to process them is all part of your unique journey.
●Reach out and build strong connections.
Spend time with those who uplift you, the ones who have your back and create a sense of support. Even if they're not privy to the specifics of your story, their mere presence can dissolve the feeling of isolation and underscore the strength of human connection. We understand that robust social support—and even just the feeling of it—can act as a shield against certain symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Equally, those individuals who unsettle you or lack your trust may intensify your vulnerability. Be deliberate about the connections you actively cultivate during this period. You deserve nothing less.
●Discover the little sparks of beauty.
In the midst of life's darkest hours, there's a common thread of finding solace in the smallest, most delicate expressions of beauty, love, and kindness that the world dishes out. For some, it's a dive into nature, finding wonder in the imperfectly perfect growth of a plant, whether in their garden or on a windowsill. Others unearth it in humor – because even in the shadows, laughter can offer a release, if only for a moment. And then there are those who treasure the everyday moments that silently uphold them: the sizzling melody of garlic in a pan, the joyous wag of their dog's tail upon returning home, or the first rays of sunshine piercing through the clouds.
Even if it's just a simple acknowledgment, finding gratitude for these moments is like a secret sauce. Sure, they might seem trivial in the grand scheme of sorrow or fear, but together, they weave a painting that makes facing the day worthwhile.
What about you? Have you stumbled upon unique ways to navigate these times? I would love to hear your thoughts! Let's chat!
Marie McKenzie
CEO & Founder – International Sexual Assault Recovery Institute
Sexual Assault Recovery Coach |
RN | BSN | SANE | Certified Life Coach |
International Speaker | Award-winning & #1 Bestselling Author
Marie's Corner
A Letter of Gratitude
Dear Sexual Assault Survivor,
I hope this letter finds you in a moment of peace and strength. There are no words that can fully capture the depth of our experiences, but I want you to know that you are not alone in this journey. As a fellow survivor I understand the complexity of the emotions and the courage it takes to navigate the path of healing.
Firstly, I want to acknowledge your strength. It takes an incredible amount of courage to face the aftermath of such a traumatic as sexual assault, and the fact that you are still standing is a testament to your resilience. We carry scars, visible and invisible, but they do not define us. They are proof of the battles we have fought and the strength we continue to find within ourselves.
In the midst of the pain and confusion, I want you to remember that your worth is immeasurable. You are not defined by what happened to you; rather, you are defined by the courage with which you face each day and the resilience with which you’re rebuilding your life. You deserve love, joy, and all the good things life has to offer.
This journey of healing is unique to each of us, and there is no timeline for recovery. Some days will be harder than others, and that's okay. It's okay to feel angry, sad, or numb. It's okay to seek help when needed and to take the time you require to heal. Remember that healing is not linear, and every step forward, no matter how small, is a triumph.
As survivors, we share a unique bond—one that is built on understanding, empathy, and a shared journey of reclaiming our lives. I want you to know that I am here for you, not as someone who has all the answers, but as a companion on this path. Together, we can customize a plan that’s geared toward your recovery.
You are not alone!
You did not choose this journey, but it’s up to you to determine how you travel the pathway.
Wishing you moments of peace, strength, and the unwavering belief that you are not defined by your past but by the strength with which you shape your future.
If you know you need help to heal from sexual assault, let’s chat!
Together we can end this madness!
With Solidarity and understanding,
Marie McKenzie
Registered Nurse,
Sexual Assault Recovery Coach,
Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner,
Award-winning & #1 Bestselling Author
International Speaker
Marie's Corner
Navigating the Healing Journey with a Partner After Sexual Assault
Love has the power to heal, to mend wounds that run deep, and to navigate the tumultuous waters of trauma. In the quiet corners of countless relationships, there are stories of resilience and support, like that of a husband standing by his wife, a survivor of sexual assault who still grapples with a well of anger.
At my recent book signing an older gentleman picked up my book, From Stuck to Limitless, and exclaimed, “I’m buying it for my wife, she was abused when she was young, and is still very angry.” As a survivor and a recovery coach, it’s gratifying to me to hear of the profound journey of a spouse supporting his wife through the complexities of healing after such a traumatic experience.
Sexual assault survivors often carry the weight of their experiences in silence, and the emotional aftermath can be an ongoing battle. The unspoken struggles manifest in various ways, and for this wife, it reveals itself as a persistent anger, a storm that brews within her. Her husband, however, sees beyond the anger, recognizing the pain that lingers beneath the surface.
In the face of his wife's anger, the husband becomes a pillar of strength and unwavering support. He understands that healing is not a linear process and that anger is a natural response to the violation she endured. Rather than trying to fix or dismiss her emotions, he choose to be present, offering a safe space for her to express herself without judgment or pressure, and offering resources that he believes may help her.
When I asked him if he wanted me to write her name in the book, he said, “no, I’m sure she will pass it on to others after she’s finished with it.”
Empathy becomes the husband's guiding light as he seeks to understand the intricacies of his wife's pain. He listens without imposing solutions, acknowledging that her journey is uniquely hers. Through open communication and a willingness to learn, he becomes an ally in her healing, fostering an environment where vulnerability is met with compassion.
He takes it upon himself to get educated about the effects of sexual assault and trauma. By doing so, he not only deepens his understanding but also becomes an advocate for his wife and maybe others who have experienced similar pain. Together, they break the silence, challenging the stigma surrounding sexual assault and creating a space for dialogue.
Sometimes, it's the small, everyday acts of love that make the most significant impact. This spouse, it seemed, has learned to recognize when his wife needs space and when she needs a comforting presence. I suspect that he showers her with patience and understanding, gently reminds her that she is not alone in her journey.
In my mind’s eyes, as the healing journey unfolds, I see them celebrating the small victories and milestones. Progress may be gradual, but each step forward is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. The husband becomes a witness to his wife's strength, marveling at the transformation that occurs when love meets vulnerability.
In a world where the aftermath of sexual assault is often met with silence, this husband's unwavering support becomes a beacon of hope. His commitment to understanding, empathy, and love paves the way for healing, reminding us all that love can indeed be a balm for even the deepest wounds. A journey like this is a testament to the transformative power of partnership in navigating the complexities of healing after sexual assault.
Together we can end this madness!
Marie McKenzie, RN BSN,
Sexual Assault Recovery Coach,
Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner,
Award-winning & #1 Bestselling Author
International Speaker
Marie's Corner
Navigating Uncharted Waters: Unresolved Trauma Due to Sexual Assault
In the complex landscape of healing, some survivors find themselves grappling with the aftermath of sexual assault, a journey often fraught with emotional turbulence and unanswered questions.
During one of my recent book signings a young woman in her 30s read the blurb of my book, From Stuck to Limitless, and uttered, “I’m not ready to deal with my sh-t.” She echoed the sentiments of many who carry the weight of unresolved trauma.
The aftermath of a sexual assault can cast a long shadow, impacting survivors on physical, emotional, and psychological levels. The phrase “I’m not ready to deal with my sh-t” encapsulates the struggle that survivors face when met with the daunting task of confronting their pain head-on.
For many, the path to healing is a gradual and non-linear process, each individual navigating their own unique course. Her word underscores the importance of acknowledging the survivor’s power and autonomy in deciding when and how to address their trauma. Healing is a personal journey, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach.
Unresolved trauma can manifest in various ways, from anxiety and depression to difficulties in forming intimate connections. The journey may involve periods of avoidance or emotional numbing, as survivors grapple with the overwhelming emotions tied to their experiences.
A supportive networks, whether friends, family, or professionals, play a crucial role in the healing process. Creating a safe space for survivors to share their feelings without judgment can be a pivotal step toward resolution. Encouraging specialized help when needed, such as therapy, coaching, or counseling, provides survivors with tools to navigate the complexities of their emotions.
It is essential to recognize that healing doesn’t follow a linear trajectory; setbacks and moments of resistance are normal. Patience and self-compassion become vital companions on the road to recovery. The expression “I’m not ready to deal with my sh-t” is a reminder that healing is a process that unfolds at an individual pace.
Ultimately, shedding light on unresolved sexual assault trauma is a collective responsibility. Society must foster an environment where survivors feel empowered to confront their past, free from stigma or shame. Through understanding, empathy, and open dialogue, we can contribute to a culture that supports survivors on their journey to reclaiming their lives.
If you’re a survivor, my question is, “what is it costing you to not deal with your ‘sh-t’?
You are not alone!
You are worthy of healing!
You matter!
Recovery is possible.
Recovery is essential.
Together we can end this madness!
Marie McKenzie, RN BSN,
Sexual Assault Recovery Coach,
Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner,
Award-winning & #1 Bestselling Author
International Speaker
Marie's Corner
The Importance of Consent in Combating Sexual Assault
Consent is a fundamental and non-negotiable aspect of any intimate or sexual encounter. It’s a topic that can never be emphasized enough in our efforts to combat sexual violence. The principles of consent are not only about legality but also about respect, empathy, and personal boundaries.
Let’s delve into the significance of consent and its role in preventing sexual assault.
Definition: Consent is a clear and voluntary agreement to engage in any intimate or sexual activity. It is not just the absence of a “no,” but the presence of a “yes.” Importantly, it must be enthusiastic and freely given without any form of coercion or pressure.
Communication is Key: Open and honest communication is essential to ensure that all parties involved are comfortable and willing. This includes discussing boundaries, desires, and expectations beforehand.
Consent is Ongoing: Consent is not a one-time deal. It can be withdrawn at any point during the encounter. Both partners should continually check in with each other to ensure everyone is on the same page.
Incapacitation and Consent: One cannot give consent if they are incapacitated due to drugs or alcohol. It is crucial to be aware of your own state and your partner’s state to make sure everyone involved is fully able to provide consent.
Respect and Boundaries: Consent is all about respect for personal boundaries. Every individual has the right to say no to any intimate or sexual activity without fear or pressure. Respect for boundaries is not only a legal obligation but a moral one.
Legality and Consequences: Understanding the legal implications of sexual assault is vital. Laws surrounding consent vary by jurisdiction, but ignorance of the law is not a valid excuse. Consent must always be explicit and voluntary to avoid serious legal consequences.
Education and Awareness: The more we educate ourselves and others about consent, the better equipped we are to prevent sexual assault. Schools, communities, churches, and families play a crucial role in fostering a culture of consent.
Support for Survivors: Lastly, we must create a safe and supportive environment for survivors of sexual assault. Encourage them to seek help, report the incident, and receive the support they need.
In conclusion, consent is the cornerstone of any healthy intimate/sexual relationship and a powerful tool in the prevention of sexual violence. It is a shared responsibility to understand, respect, and practice consent, ultimately creating a safer and more respectful world for all.
Remember, no means no, and only an enthusiastic “yes” equals consent.
Together we can end this madness!
Marie McKenzie
Registered Nurse,
Sexual Assault Recovery Coach,
Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner,
Award-winning & #1 Bestselling Author
International Speaker
Marie's Corner
Be careful what you’re saying to yourself. You’re listening!
Many survivors of sexual violence develop a negative image of themselves and struggle with self-love and acceptance. As a result, they constantly speak negatively to themselves.
This kind of self-conversation limits your ability to believe in yourself, and also prevents you from living a purposeful life and achieving your full potential.
Self-talk is the voice inside your head, is influenced by your subconscious, and reveals your thoughts, ideas, attitudes, and doubts.
Negative self-talk is thoughts that make it difficult to make positive changes or to build confidence in yourself.
It can be either negative or positive. May inspire and motivate or disturb and cause sadness.
If you are someone who views the glass as half full, your thoughts will probably always be positive. On the other hand for the person who is a pessimist, the voice will mostly be negative.
Positive self-talk and being optimistic can improve your overall well-being. Study shows that those who engage in positive self-talk have a better quality of life.
We are often our own worst critics. We get anxious about something we did or didn’t do out of fear of failure or because we were discouraged by someone else. Additionally, we compare ourselves to others and focus on what we consider lacking, what we call weakness, instead of on what we do well or our strengths.
Do you assume or were told that self-criticism will motivate you to improve? Do you then try to be perfect at everything you do? Instead, try speaking to yourself with compassion, and give yourself some grace, the same you offer to others who have found themselves in the spot you’re in.
Giving yourself grace and using positive self-talk changes your mindset and improves your overall thinking and wellbeing. When you offer yourself the same empathy you freely give to others you’ll recover more easily from disappointments or setbacks.
Positive Self-talk and having an optimistic outlook can improve your overall health:
●Improve self-satisfaction and passion for life
●Increase immunity and your body’s ability to combat sickness
●Improve energy and vitality to show up vibrant for yourself and others
●Improved heart health due to decreased worry and stress
●Reduced stress and depression
●Reduced risk for chronic illnesses and death
The exact reason for the benefits has not been clearly defined, but research suggests that those who engage in positive self-talk likely have psychological abilities that enable them to seek solutions, instead of stressing and listening to the negative voice. They are better able to cope with challenges because they have the mindset to seek solutions instead of engaging in negativity. Thus reducing the damaging effects of worry and fear.
Some examples of negative self-talk:
●Self-blame – blame yourself for things that others have to you.
●You see the glass as half empty by focusing on the negatives.
●Seems to always expect something bad to happen, even when the evidence shows that the opposite may be true.
●You ignore the middle ground. It’s either black or white, with no grey areas.
You can change your mindset and engage in positive thinking on a daily basis. It takes regular effort and practice but can be done. Positive self-talk is achievable.
●Be kind to yourself – analyze the situation and prioritize the steps to resolution. Ask yourself, what do I need to do first? First things first will keep you from becoming overwhelmed. Trust yourself and the process. I believe in me.
●Don’t blame yourself for the actions of others. It wasn’t my fault.
●You’re not alone – what you’re experiencing is not unique. Let me get some help to figure this out. I’ll keep trying.
●You’re doing the best you can, with what you know and have at the time. So, don’t beat yourself up. I’m proud of myself for doing that. I’ll learn and get better.
●Don’t try because of self-doubt. Instead – I will give it a try and do it to the best of my ability.
Start today and don’t be discouraged if you slip back into the old habit of listening to the negative voice. When that happens, pause, reflect and refocus. Changes sometimes take time, but with commitment and consistency, you can do it. Positive self-talk can become your new normal with daily practice.
I have faith in you.
Let’s silence the negative voice.
Together we can end this madness!
Marie McKenzie
Registered Nurse, Sexual Assault Recovery Coach
Award-winning & #1 Bestselling Author
International Speaker
Marie's Corner
👂 🎙️ Is your life on auto? 👂 🎤
Reclaiming intimacy after sexual assault can be challenging.
As humans, we naturally gravitate towards avoiding discomfort, and shaping our lives to minimize unpleasant experiences, which often leads us to restrict ourselves within the boundaries of what feels good, even when we’re unhappy.
This manifests in various ways, such as becoming chained in toxic relationships, adhering to unhealthy habits, or adapting ineffective coping strategies that ultimately sabotage our long-term well-being.
Then, one day, something happens—a smell, a sound, a memory, a conversation, or a touch, and what you thought was ‘comfortable’ falls apart.
Life as you know it comes crashing down.
It’s time to break free and be prepared to minimize or prevent becoming overwhelmed when you’re triggered. Gather tools and resources that will lead to a life of purpose and joy.
Marie McKenzie
Registered Nurse, Sexual Assault Recovery Coach
Award-winning & #1 Bestselling Author
International Speaker
Marie's Corner
Reclaiming Your Body After Sexual Assault
Recovering from sexual assault is a challenging journey, but one crucial aspect of healing is reclaiming ownership of your body. Here are a few steps to help you take back control:
Seek Professional Help:
Reach out to therapists, coaches, counselors, or support groups experienced in trauma recovery. They can provide guidance, emotional support, and coping strategies tailored to your needs.
Establish Boundaries:
Reestablishing personal boundaries is essential. Communicate your limits clearly and learn to say "no" without guilt. Trust your instincts and prioritize your comfort and safety.
Self-Care:
Prioritize self-care routines that enhance your emotional and physical well-being. This can include exercise, meditation, journaling, or simply taking time for activities that bring you joy.
Connect with Your Body:
Reconnect with your body in a positive way. Yoga, mindfulness, and body awareness exercises can help you feel more in tune with yourself.
Legal Support:
If you choose to pursue legal action, seek support from organizations and law enforcement agencies specializing in sexual assault cases. Understanding your rights and options can empower you in your journey.
Share Your Story when you’re ready:
Sharing your experiences with trusted friends, family, or a support group can be empowering. It helps break the silence around sexual assault and can reduce feelings of shame.
Patience and Self-Compassion:
Healing is a gradual process, and there is no set timeline. Be patient with yourself and practice self-compassion. Acknowledge your progress, no matter how small.
Remember, you are not alone in this journey. Reclaiming your body after sexual assault is a significant step towards regaining control over your life. Your strength and resilience are remarkable, and with the right support, you can rebuild and thrive.
Together we can end this madness!
Marie McKenzie
Registered Nurse, Sexual Assault Recovery Coach
Award-winning & #1 Bestselling Author
International Speaker
Marie's Corner
Tips for living with purpose
Living with purpose is about finding meaning and direction in your life. It involves aligning your actions, values, and goals with what truly matters to you. Below are some steps you can take to live with purpose:
*Reflect on your values: Take the time to identify your core values and what truly matters to you. Reflect on the principles and beliefs that guide your life. Understanding your values will help you make choices and decisions that are in line with what is important to you.
*Set meaningful goals: Define goals that are aligned with your values and give you a sense of purpose. These goals should be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound (SMART). Setting meaningful goals provides direction and a sense of accomplishment when you work towards achieving them.
*Discover your passions: Explore your interests and discover activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Engage in hobbies, try new experiences, and pay attention to the things that genuinely excite and inspire you. Pursuing your passions can bring a great sense of purpose to your life.
*Find your unique strengths: Identify your strengths, talents, and skills. Everyone has unique abilities that can contribute to the world in meaningful ways. Understanding your strengths can help you choose paths and opportunities that allow you to utilize and develop them further.
Make a positive impact: Consider how you can make a positive difference in the lives of others and in the world around you. This can involve volunteering, helping those in need, supporting causes you believe in, or even making small acts of kindness part of your daily life. Making a positive impact can bring a deep sense of purpose and fulfillment.
*Cultivate gratitude: Practice gratitude by focusing on the positive aspects of your life. Take time each day to acknowledge and appreciate the blessings, experiences, and relationships you have. Gratitude can shift your perspective and help you find meaning and purpose in everyday moments.
*Embrace personal growth: Commit to continuous learning and personal development. Seek opportunities to expand your knowledge, skills, and perspectives. Embracing personal growth helps you evolve as an individual and gives you a sense of progress and purpose.
*Live in alignment with your purpose: Once you have identified your values, goals, passions, and strengths, strive to live in alignment with them. Make choices and decisions that honor what matters most to you. This may involve setting boundaries, saying no to things that don't align with your purpose, and making conscious decisions that move you closer to a purposeful life.
Remember, living with purpose is a journey, and it may evolve and change over time. Be open to self-reflection, adaptation, and exploration as you navigate your path towards a more purposeful life.
Marie McKenzie
Registered Nurse, Sexual Assault Recovery Coach
Award-winning & #1 Bestselling Author
International Speaker
Breaking the Silence: Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention
Sexual assault awareness and prevention are not issues that should be ignored. By understanding the scope of the problem, recognizing its consequences, and taking proactive measures, we can work towards a world where sexual assault is rare and survivors receive the support they need. It is our responsibility to break the silence and take action to create a safer, more empathetic
society for all.
This crime is a pervasive and deeply troubling issue that affects countless individuals worldwide. It violates everything a person holds dear—their autonomy, dignity, and basic human rights. While the topic may be uncomfortable to discuss, it’s critical that we collaborate and actively work to end this madness.
The Scope
Sexual assault is not limited to one particular gender, ethnicity, age group, or socioeconomic
status. It can happen to anyone, regardless of their identity or circumstances. The statistics are
staggering and reflect that sexual assault is the most under-reported crime. According to
RAINN.org, every 68 seconds someone in the United States is sexually assaulted—children,
boys, girls, men, and women. This crime eats at the very fabric of our being and needs to be
addressed more vigorously.
The Consequences
The physical and emotional consequences of sexual assault on some victims are devastating. No two survivors are alike and each may react to the trauma differently. While some are able to seek healing immediately and move on with their lives, others due to no fault of their own, remain silent, do not seek help due to being overwhelmed and become SHUT IN—Silently Hurting due to Unresolved Trauma Internalizing (shame, fear, anger, guilt, reliving the trauma) Needlessly. This horrific crime affects the survivor emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically—their whole being. Survivors often suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, anxiety, and a variety of physical health issues, like cardiovascular disease, obesity, and diabetes. Additionally, these traumatic experiences can affect their relationships—for example, disrupting intimacy with spouses, and derailing professional ambitions.
The Importance of Awareness
Breaking the silence surrounding sexual assault is the first step toward creating a safer
community. By openly discussing this issue, we can combat the stigma that often surrounds it,
making it easier for survivors to come forward and seek help. Many survivors do not want to
open up about their experience and that’s all right. Sharing their experience should be on their
terms, when they are ready to do so. However, as a society, we need to step up and address the
issue, advocate for the voiceless, and give them the space to open up, if they so choose.
Awareness campaigns and support networks help empower survivors by letting them know they
are not alone. These convey information and increase knowledge of resources and services
designed to help them heal, rebuild their lives, and thrive.
Additionally, educating the public about consent, boundaries, and respect goes a long way in
fostering a climate of alertness and diminishing the incidence of sexual assault.
Prevention Strategies
Comprehensive sex education programs that teach consent and healthy relationships are being implemented in schools, communities, and by organizations that seek to help survivors and prevent this crime from happening. Consent goes beyond yes and no. Understanding what
constitutes consent is crucial in preventing sexual assault.
Bystanders are encouraged to intervene when they witness potential instances of sexual assault, while maintaining their safety. Their intervention may be just dialing 911 and relaying what they witnessed which doesn’t mean getting physically involved or putting themselves in danger. There are many programs that inform people how to safely intervene and de-escalate potentially harmful situations.
Ensuring that survivors have access to different support services, including counseling, coaching, medical care, and legal assistance is essential in diminishing or eliminating the long-term effects, plus fostering healing, and thriving. These services must be sensitive to survivors' needs and rights and customize them to the individual.
It is also extremely important that perpetrators be held accountable. The laws governing sexual assault vary across the country and abroad. Most states have implemented strict legal
consequences for perpetrators and created a culture where survivors are believed and supported throughout the legal process. However, the need for more severe consequences and consistency across the country cannot be denied.
Healthy masculinity also needs to be an area of more intense focus. We need to challenge toxic maleness and promote healthy, respectful attitudes toward gender and relationships. Men and boys need to be more engaged in conversations about consent and respect, beginning in the home, schools, and beyond. This needs to be a continuous conversation.
Together we can end this madness!
Marie McKenzie
Registered Nurse, Sexual Assault Recovery Coach
Award-winning & #1 Bestselling Author
International Speaker
